Living from Your Truest Self - Transcending the Ego: Trick or Treat?
(If you haven't already, please read the previous post before reading this one. This is part two of a series on healing the ego.)
Gosh, it happened so fast. I had finally healed my self-worth, owned my shadow, and was coming into my own. After working through my dark night of the soul fifteen years ago, a lifetime's worth of loneliness and melancholy were completely gone, never to return. I had a master's degree, my career was established (in spirituality, no less), and I was married with two young kids, a house, a cat, and a dog. My life's path and vocation were set, or so I thought.
Looking back, I can see I was fulfilling the ego part of my journey, even though it felt to me like I was just getting started. I had most of what I wanted and was happy, feeling fulfilled, helping other people heal and grow spiritually.
Then it all began to be stripped away in the blink of an eye (actually, a wink of an eye - you have to have read my book to get this). My job, career, house, health, reputation, money, car, spiritual community - they were all dramatically and drastically eliminated from my life and identity.
This can be the irony of the stage of transcending the ego. What? After creating my fulfilling dreams, it all gets taken away? Why? What was the point of building a healthy self-esteem and identity only to have it stormed by the gates of hell?
Well, actually that was the point. You need a strong ego, a healthy, balanced self-esteem if you are going to transition well into the next stage - trans-ego. The universe/God/All That Is seems to know exactly when the ego stage has been fulfilled to the extent that it needs to be in a person¹s life. In other words, the fulfillment of the ego stage is NOT for the sake of fulfilling the ego. The fulfillment of the ego stage is for the purpose of establishing a strong enough foundation to transition into trans-ego. You must have a firm enough sense of self in order to survive having all of the illusions of self exposed, so you can then discover your true Self (big S). Tricky, eh? (I grew up right next to Canada.)
There are several other tricky insights I have found since I have awakened to my Truest Self.
Tricky insight #2: Because humans are complex beings, you can have parts of you that are in trans-ego, parts of you that are in ego, and parts of you that are in pre-ego - all at the same time! Yup, yup, isn't it fun?
So even when you have awakened to your Truest Self (you know who you are), you still have ego/shadow work to do.
Here is what we have all witnessed: spiritual leaders, healers, gurus who get sabotaged by their own ego/shadow, caught in indiscretions and abuses of power of various kinds. This may be because of ...
Tricky insight #3: The more you move into trans-ego, with more and more awareness of your Truest Self, the ego/shadow work gets subtler and subtler.
So subtle, in fact, that unless you are committed to doing ego/shadow work on yourself on a regular basis, you will probably miss the subtleties. The universe will help you, trying to get you to see the spiritual work you need to do, but this is part of the challenge of ego/shadow work. The ego/shadow is cunning and likes to hide and we tend to be blind to it in ourselves. It is also, as the wild horse analogy in part one indicated, very strong. Thus, it takes at least an equally strong commitment to doing the work to uncover it and continue to bring it to light so it can be integrated and healed.
Tricky insight #4: It is also challenging work because many of the rules that apply in transitioning from pre-ego to ego do not apply or are negated in transitioning from ego to trans-ego. This can create total confusion. Let me show you a few reasons why.
Pre-Ego-to-Ego Rule #1: Everything about you matters.
Ego-to-Trans-Ego Rule #1: Nothing matters.
Pre-Ego-to-Ego Rule #2: The individual self is important to develop in all its facets.
Ego-to-Trans-Ego Rule #2: The individual self is an illusion and its many facets need to be merged or absorbed into the Truest Self.
Pre-Ego-to-Ego Rule #3: To form a healthy ego, a great deal of affirmation, validation, and ownership of thoughts, emotions and actions are needed.
Ego-to-Trans-Ego Rule #3: To transition into trans-ego, a great deal of detachment and neutral indifference from thoughts, emotions, and actions are needed.
Pre-Ego-to-Ego Rule #4: Everything is evolving.
Ego-to-Trans-Ego Rule #4: Everything is well or perfect.
Needless to say, this can get really messy and missteps are common, especially in Rules #3 and #4. Some people who have awakened to their Truest Selves, forget or neglect to keep looking for parts of them that are in ego/shadow. Instead, they apply "Ego-to-Trans-Ego" Rules 3 and 4 to the "Pre-Ego-to-Ego" parts of themselves and others. They are indifferent where they need to be affirming. They detach where they need to be taking responsibility. For example, rather than taking ownership of abuse or boundary violations, a person might instead state, "Everything is perfect. All is well." No matter how true this statement is, in this particular scenario this statement is not coming from an integrated trans-ego place, but from a place of denial about significant ego issues that need integrating.
These missteps can result in the ego/shadow growing, fragmenting, and/or becoming unbalanced. If these missteps persist, they will set up a huge self-sabotaging showdown, which is what can derail so many spiritual leaders, healers, and gurus.
So how not to get too messed up in this process of transcending your ego and living from your Truest Self? Next time, I'll give you some tips. In the meantime, here is Trumping Principle #1: Unconditional Love works for all the stages all the time. So no matter what you run into in yourself or others, apply a large compress of compassion to your heart and theirs. This place of compassion is your Truest Self at its truest and nothing and no one can ever change this. The more compassion you are able to offer yourself and others and the more you are able to operate from this place no matter what your circumstances, you will transition into trans-ego naturally with gentleness, grace and humility.
Trick or treat? Transcending the ego may be tricky, but the treat is getting to live your life from your Truest Self. There is nothing, and let me repeat, there is no-thing (no dream, no ego fulfillment, no person) that is better than that.
To schedule a healing session or intuitive spiritual consultation with Monica call her at 206-306-1144, email her at monica@monicamcdowell.com or for more information, check out her website at www.monicamcdowell.com
Copyright © 2009 by Monica McDowell, MDiv. All Rights Reserved. This entry may be linked, forwarded, or copied in its entirety as long as this paragraph is included and there is no profit gained by doing so. Monica is an energy healer, spiritual director, minister, and author of My Karma Ran Over My Dogma: Lessons Learned by a Whistle-Blowing Minister Turned Mystic. She has the distinction of being the first ordained minister in the United States ever granted civil rights in a federal ruling.
